January 21, 2010

Introducing Spazzy

Many words have been used to describe the now infamous Spazzy: tall, hairy, smelly, ungulate. But the most common word is: retarded.

Born in the bitter cold of northern Siberia, Spazzy Kirill Dasherov seemed a normal reindeer at first. But a tragic accident changed the course of his life.
At three years old, little Spazzy the fawn tripped over an ice clump while staring up at the Northern Lights and fell down a steep embankment. He woke up covered in frost and with a huge bump on his head. He immediately trotted home to his frantic mother, Vixen, and reassured her that he was fine except for the persistent white fireflies that kept zooming in front of his eyes.

From then on Spazzy wasn’t quite the same. He had a tendency to stare into nothingness for several minutes at a time and made loud trumpeting sounds at random moments for no reason. Spazzy also developed an intense fascination with bells and parsnips.
As a young buck, Spazzy was never good at backgammon, crokinole or any of the other reindeer games so he was shunned by his peers. He flunked out of Santa School because he couldn’t, or wouldn’t, fly a straight line and because he told Mrs. Claus she should cut back on the gingerbread cookies.

Never one to be pushed down, Spazzy moved to Paris where he spent several years working as a shoeshine deer. In his spare time he painted large canvases of multi-colored hoofprints that actually sold quite well in the French art galleries.

Then one fateful day, Spazzy saw a poster advertising a contest to win a new owner and become a “dignified mount of Taborea”. He immediately entered the contest and was surprised and delighted when he was chosen. He went eagerly to his new owner, Spiral.

What Spazzy lacks in brains, looks, talent, skill, eyesight and social skills, he makes up for with a whole lot of gumption. Spazzy can run 5% faster than any horse in Taborea and can race neck in neck with even the fiercest WarTiger. His loyalty is unmatched and his courageousness in the face of a pathway clogged with Naga is unbeatable.

I am very happy to have this retarded reindeer as my new permanent mount.
Welcome to Taborea, Spazzy!

1 comment:

  1. I love this one Spiral. Very creative. Enjoy your seizure inducing reindeer.